Banker Boxes

It’s been three months, a little longer even, since all the changes.

I ordered a half a dozen more banker boxes. They really are the best, for packing.

It seems like packing things away or getting rid of them entirely is where I’m at with it all. It’s only the first week of July, and we’ve already been in fire season, for over a month. So I’m adjusting. It’s not comfortable but change rarely is. In order to change and elevate we must be willing to be uncomfortable. It’s been tough, even for me and I’m incredibly resilient.

Old roads to work

Long and meandering path through the redwoods punctuated seasonally with ferns, tiny wild roses, trillium ovatum, usnea and lots of lichens.

My smart devices showed me this memory photo of 10 years ago. It’s the narrow, winding path we hiked to get to work for many years. Southern Humboldt, Northern California.

Migraine Protocol

I’m in a aura migraine support group and the question often comes up, “What helps? What can I do?” What follows is what works for me.

This was me today, feeling insane while driving and getting a migraine. Hard to explain if you don’t get migraines with auras. Colors and disorientation. I couldn’t get my hat down low enough and couldn’t find my migraine shades for the first 5 minutes of the onset. Pulled over and found them and took this.

At the onset, to prevent it from escalating

Imitrex 25 or 50mg 

For the anxiety

Immediately take nervines, hypnotics and sedatives in tincture form. Usually a combo of passiflora, lactuca, kava kava, pedicularis densiflora, California poppy and vervain.

I also take 3000 mg of glycine (amino acid) very effective in relieving anxiety and panic.

Drink 8 ounces of water mixed with Calm (Magnesium) and electrolytes.

1 mg Lorazepam

For light sensitivity

Immediately put on shades.

Close eyes or go in a dark room. 

Put on migraine helmet and ice on the carotid artery in the neck (base of the skull)  This helped to reduce the inflammation in the brain.

Reduce stimulation all of all kinds.

If the headache part makes it though (despite imitrex) I have a cup of black unsweetened strong coffee (vasoconstrictive) to constrict blood vessels in brain. 

Postdrome care (which can last 3 weeks for me)

Migraine helmet, electrolytes, hydration and continued magnesium. Cold nettle infusion. Lots of rooibos tea. Lots of sleep, stay out of the sun. Wear migraine glasses inside as well as outside. Apply Icy Hot from top of shoulders all the way up to the bad of the head. Avoid movies with flashing lights and busy scenes. Avoid bright screens of all kinds, computer, smart phones etc. Keep lights dim. Take luke warm or cool showers.

Prevention

Above all, avoid all high histamine foods. 25mg amitriptylin each night before bed. 50g quercertin capsules each night. 15g CoQ10 to lower levels of the pain-related protein  CGRP. Drink rooibos tea daily, drink cold nettle infusions or chilled nettle tea often.

~ migraineur of 41 years 

Gold and Red

Gathering the kindling

Alder and Horse Chestnut 

returning home dusted

gold and blood red

from their pollen

Talismans

poem travel perfume love letter//vétiver bucchu violetta//remedy for annihilation//distillation of her journey

Savage Woman

tell your woman I don’t care

let her know I’m mad and aloof  with tangled hair 

/a monster who bites at your trapezius

as you enter me Blinds you and covers 

your ears at organism/ how you see starbursts and 10,000 years of indigo blowing in the wind  in your ecstasy 

tell her of the shared visions Wolves  running through Broken Doll Pass

bald eagles Locked talons in a death  spiral  How you’ll never give up this medicine and that I told you you belong to no one and all your

Relations at once Tell her I know what true freedom is and that I  skip stones across the River Styx 

The Knife Drawer

#unreal #real #amabliasinsania #shesgoneagain

the knife  drawer/poppies small in the sun//darura is a backdoor //hollering madrone//

Dear Strong One 2

#caregiver

To the person who posted sadness and grief due to no support what so ever from family. By the time I replied it was removed. Unfortunately it was an outline of what most of us experience.

I’m so sorry this is happening, unfortunately this is pretty much how it is for most of us. Not that that makes it any easier, or better, or acceptable. Not to center myself here but I’ll share as it may help. I had to grieve. I had to grieve a lot, still grieving and let go. Let go of structures, dynamics, and expectations, of what I thought life could, should or would be like. I literally had to look elsewhere for support. Not that I have any now, with the exception of my stroke caregiver groups. I take breaks when I can. I don’t look to old relationships, relatives, or friends as any type of support system. I had to let it all go, it was too upsetting, too infuriating, and frankly too disgusting, for me to look at. I was angry all the time, and I often still do get angry. Because it’s not acceptable. We didn’t come into this world to do life alone. To get married and be alone, have children and be alone. To endure  sickness alone, to die alone. We’re supposed to have community, and be in community. We need support. 

Take tiny breaks when you can. Say your peace with your relatives and begin to put you as a priority as often as you can. You matter.

Dear Strong One

#caregiver #caregiving #selflessone

I totally hear you. It’s real. Your feelings are valid, your feelings are real. Your feelings are important. I do understand how everything that is happening with your husband, being that he’s a stroke survivor, is really serious. But that doesn’t mean that your needs, desires, and emotions are invalid. They still are important, you still feel, get exhausted, run out of energy, have needs that need to be met. I’m really glad you shared your feelings. We’re all in this together. And it makes it a little bit easier when we can be very transparent, open and honest about our needs, and what it feels like to be a caregiver to someone who’s a stroke survivor. And yes I hear you, you’re blessed to still have your husband with you. And he’s going through some tough times, but so are you. I’ve been doing this for a while, I’ve had to get really good, at reweaving my life. Our life. And letting go of certain dreams, we still have dreams, but they’re different. Life can still be sweet. I hope you have time, soon to have a little cup of tea, look out a window at something beautiful. Take a shower uninterrupted. Small pleasures. Hang in there we’re with you. 

Staying in cheap Motels in California

Hot all day and now the fog rolled in. Typical weather.